Co-Sleeping Gets a Bad Reputation from Mainstream "Experts" while MILLIONS of babies co-sleep and live yearly!

Do your arms meet the current safety standards for your baby? If you’re not careful, soon they’ll be warning against touching your baby at all.

Who is they? Just about every safety standard council / commission, or medical practitioner who does not yet know the amazing benefits of safe co-sleeping.

I am tired of co-sleeping getting a bad rap in society these days. It seems every time I turn a page, change the channel, or click a mouse, I am seeing someone spout that co sleeping is risky, harmful, or deadly!

The media and medical institutes, and doctor colleges/societies use twisted statistics and sad stories of isolated cases to scare new impressionable parents into not co sleeping, like that of a mother who lost two babies through unsafe co-sleeping habits.

When the woman lost her infant son because she rolled onto him in her sleep three years ago, she admitted to using alcohol and marijuana on a regular basis. She now faces second-degree murder charges for the nearly identical death of another baby (girl) in December of 2002 while she was heavily intoxicated. Safety councils are still using her story to warn new parents against co sleeping at all rather then teach families about safe bed sharing.

Statistics Canada shows that the chance of your baby dying for any reason before they are a year old, is only about a 0.5 percent chance. That does not even take into account the reasons for those deaths which could be numerable reasons, like SIDS, birth or heart defects, house fires, car accidents, murder, drowning, etc.

So, if you take those statistics into account, the odds of accidentally killing your baby from co sleeping, is so small it is practically immeasurable, and compared to the many benefits of co sleeping, it is down right illogical to take any experts advice against co sleeping as credible.

Dr. Denis Leduc, President-Elect of the Canadian Paediatrics Society comments about a recent stated issued stating to not co sleep with a baby.

"Babies who sleep in adult beds are more vulnerable to the risks of unexpected death,” says Leduc, one of the authors of the statement, “There is no way to create an absolutely safe sleeping environment that can completely protect infants from the possibility of entrapment or suffocation in an adult bed.”

According to Dr leduc, research shows that there was a significant increase in bed sharing in North America between 1993 and 2000. With that, there was an increase in sudden unexpected death in infants who were in adult beds and where it can be identified that there was an unsafe sleep environment. Whether those sudden unexpected deaths in infants were SIDS alone, or other scenarios was no disclosed. Nor was the relationship between the sudden unexpected deaths rise between those years of infants not in adult beds, and in unsafe crib environments, or the specific causes of those deaths disclosed either.

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If the Canadian Paediatrics Society wants to talk statistics and advocate against a beneficial natural sleeping situation, they need to crunch some serious numbers and do a national survey of all parents and see how many in fact do co-sleep, on a regular basis, without injury or death, before they spout off numbers like “64 babies die a year of unsafe sleeping situations in adult beds” and not give other numbers to back up the large number of babies who are sleeping in adult beds, surviving and thriving.

This is a feat that Dr. James McKenna, Professor of Anthropology and Director of the Mother Baby Behavioral Sleep Center at the University of Notre Dame has been undertaking for years by way of co sleeping testimonials from real families across North America.

“What would be extremely helpful these days in which bed sharing and various kinds of co sleeping are getting such a bad name, by such a few number of people, is to provide the "good news', some real numbers...to be able to provide documented success stories” says McKenna.

Millions of babies who co-sleep safely on a regular basis are not getting to tell the true story.

Our society so loves a sad and gruesome story, there is no entertainment value in a head line that states. “MILLIONS of babies co-sleep and live yearly!” so no one is printing it.

When Monica Baguchinsky-Lunn, a co-sleeping mom was asked how she felt about such negative co-sleeping advice she said, “Babies are the best teachers to new parents. We should listen to them when they want to sleep near us. They obviously know something that we have (as a society) forgotten.”

Monica Baguchinsky-Lynn and daughter after a good nights sleep together


Lynn’s daughter was colic for the first three months of her life and co-sleeping was a huge benefit to all involved.

“It was the only way I got any sleep at all. Which of course made for a better mommy.” Adds Lynn, who is still co sleeps with her daughter Melissa, now 18 month’s old.

Sharing the family bed is normal in many parts of the world. In Japan, dads have their own beds, and moms sleep with the kids. It is common also in Africa, Hong Kong and China. When you think about it logically, it seems ridiculous that our western society expects babies to sleep alone in a room without human contact, to be isolated and alone when we as adults spend our lives seeking a companion and mate for life.

Humans crave the human contact. We don’t ridicule a couple for wanting to share a bed and get emotional comfort from cuddling up at night, but we push our babies away, put them in a dark room with false gadgets to listen to them and to mimic the human heart beat, and expect them to learn to fall asleep on their own, and not want human contact as well.

If their diaper is dry and their tummy is full, we wonder why they are crying in their room in the middle of the night yet again. Never once do we give consideration to the fact that after nine months of the closest human contact possible, sticking a baby in a crib alone seems emotionally cruel, neglectful and totally against nature.

Sleep sharing, as termed by Dr. William Sears, North America’s leading expert in attachment parenting and child dvelopment, has many benefits. It allows babies to fall asleep easier because they associate sleeping with comfort and safety when they have a parent with them as they drift off. They stay asleep better or only slightly stir and have less night wakings, by being close to the parent during night. Upon waking they can get a sense of safety and that it is ok to go back to sleep, so they do. This allows mom to be well rested, more so than if she had to get right up out of bed two to three times a night to go feed and sooth the baby in another room, or even just getting up to go to the crib in the same room.

Many babies need help going back to sleep because of a developmental quirk called object permanence. When something or someone is out of sight, it is out of mind. For most babies less than a year old, they usually do not have the ability to think of their mother as existing somewhere else. So, when babies awaken alone in a crib, they often become frightened and unable to settle back into deep sleep alone.

“Because of this separation anxiety, they learn that sleep is a fearful state to remain in, resulting in more night wakings away from the family bed.” comments Dr. Sears.

Babies and mothers also get their sleep cycles and breathing in sync with one another when co sleeping, and therefore sleep more soundly. It is believed by some experts that SIDS is caused by the baby’s brain not being developed enough for breathing to be a “reflex” yet and the baby simply forgets to breathe and dies.

Babies had 9 months of being dependent on the placenta and the mother’s system to supply oxygen and with being such a new individual who functions now solely on their own, sleeping with a parent whose breathing sounds fall in sync with theirs, makes it easier for them to breathe rhythmically and the baby will be less likely to forget to breathe, therefore lessening the incidence of SIDS in co-sleepers as Dr James McKenna's statistics show.

Sleep sharing babies also tend to lay on their backs more in the family bad then when alone in a crib, after they have learned to roll over. The lowering numbers of SIDS deaths in Canada in recent years is attributed to the “back to sleep” campaign by Heath Canada.

Co sleeping makes it very easy to facilitate a breastfeeding relationship with the baby as well. By lying down and continuing to rest while the baby nurses, the mother is relaxed, the baby is relaxed and that can make latching easier for breastfeeding. It also helps to increase milk production by being in such a relaxed state to breastfeed in. Both mother and child do not experience separation anxiety with co sleeping and are better rested in the morning. This can allow co sleeping babies to thrive better then babies who sleep alone according Dr. Sears.


Graham Walker and son waking up after a nap



Experts are using the fear of SIDS to scare parents out of a beneficial option for sleep arrangements. What needs to be clearly stated is that suffocation and SIDS are two entirely different things. SIDS is a term used when a cause of death cannot be determined. In adults we call this "natural causes". Suffocation from a body or a blanket is an object blocking an airway causing lack of oxygen and smothering and eventual death, not a natural cause. To claim that a risk of SIDS is higher because a baby co sleeps is inaccurate. We cannot say for sure that a baby who dies of SIDS in an adult bed, would not have died if in a crib.

Co-sleeping may not be for every family and no one is a bad parent if they don't sleep with their baby close by, but parents who wish to co-sleep should not be made to feel guilty, or punished for their choices by doctors and institutions like The Children's Aid Society.

Panels of Doctors like the Canadian Paediatrics Society needs to instead be issuing statements about how to co sleep safely with their babies, if parents chose to do so. Saying they cannot recommend co sleeping while giving facts to do so safely is still showing they are against it.

Issuing a parenting education campaign showing Co sleeping in a positive light while teaching about safe co sleeping practices is the better option, and allows the parent to make their choice based on their individual families needs and desires, without feeling like bad parent.

This overall social desire in North America where Governing bodies feel a need to protect us from ourselves treats all people like they are idiots who are to stupid to make their own educated choices. Instead of blanket statements or protocol like "Don't co-sleep" or "Canada bans baby walkers", educate instead.

The old saying "Give a man a fish and he eats for a day, teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime" seems fitting in this situation.

Co-sleeping has many benefits. You can make your co sleeping experience more pleasant by ensuring safety for your baby, while enjoying those benefits. Don't co sleep in close proximity with small infants if anyone in the bed is heavily medicated or intoxicated.Use bed has safety rails, or a mattress on the floor instead of a conventional bed, as many successful co sleeping families do.A side car co sleeper attachment bed for the baby, to prevent the baby from falling out of the be, for conventional bed users is beneficial. Keep the baby's face clear of the pillows and blankets. The baby should sleep lower with the face closer to the chest of the mom for breastfeeding, instead of up near the pillows.Use a small night light for checking through the night when you or the baby stirs and enjoy a restful nights sleep cuddling with your sweet little one.
Only a parent can decide if co sleeping is for them. Don't allow statements from outside sources guilt you out of your own choices. If your heart is telling you to do it, but your mother in law or the CPS is telling you not to, listen to your heart.

Copyright 2004.

Ril Giles is a childbirth, breastfeeding and attachment parenting educator. She resides in Eastern Ontario with her Husband and has been successfully co sleeping for over 5 years with her two children.